We all know that the toddler phase is tough— but have you ever stopped to think that being a toddler is tough too? Toddlerhood is like navigating a minefield of emotion and spilled cereal. These little people experience mini-losses all day long. They're navigating a world where they're smaller, weaker, slower on their feet, clumsier, and not as articulate or focused as everyone around them.

While we can't shield our toddlers from every little bump or hiccup life throws their way, we can certainly arm them with the emotional resilience they need to rebound from these bumpy learning experiences.

The building blocks of confidence:

Safety: Before they can conquer the world, toddlers need a safe space. That means both physically and emotionally. Aim for a judgment-free zone where the only "bad" mistake is the one you don't learn from.

Use a Big-Hearted Lens: 

When you view challenging toddler behavior through a kind and understanding lens, your response naturally becomes more empathetic. 

By opting for a compassionate view of your toddler's difficult moments—like tantrums or stubbornness—you're more likely to address the situation with patience and effective guidance. This approach not only makes the challenge more manageable for you but also helps in nurturing a more confident child. 

This is how it looks in real life:

You told your toddler to wait a moment and you’ll pour the milk for his cereal. You turn around and there’s your toddler spilling the milk all over the floor. 

DEEP BREATH! Sigh . . . BHL➜ Your toddler believes he can do it and he wants to make you happy, so he tries to surprise you and do it on his own. 

Easier on the nervous system, right? 

Here’s another example:

You’re exhausted and want to put up your feet. Your partner says he’ll put Janey to bed. You finally sit down and hear, “No Mommy! I only want Mommy!” 

BHL➜ Janey loves how you read her favorite book and she sees it as part of her routine. Changes are hard for her, especially when she’s tired. 

P.S. That doesn’t mean you’re going to get off the couch and put her to bed, but it gives you the bandwidth you need to respond in a kind, calm manner.   

Being compassionate doesn’t mean becoming a doormat. Compassion + sturdy boundaries are a  winning combination. 

Toddlers Are More Capable Than You Think

Let your kids help out and make real contributions to the family whenever you can. I used to think, "Why rush them into independence?" But now I realize that empowering a toddler to trust their own abilities is a game-changer for their self-confidence.

Sure, things might take a bit longer when your toddler is in "learning mode," but trust me, it's an investment that pays off in the long run.

You will not be able to do this ALL the time as life is busy but do it when you can, and don’t feel guilty about those more rushed moments. 

Chores

Involving your toddler with chores is about teaching them important life skills early on. Even toddlers can feel proud of themselves for helping out, and it gives them a sense of responsibility. Plus, they learn that they're an important part of the family team. So, hand them that little broom or let them toss the salad; it's all about raising kids who feel valued and valuable.

Starting them young on family tasks like sorting laundry, picking up toys, or even helping in the kitchen doesn't just keep a toddler busy; it instills valuable life skills. We're talking about work ethic, a sense of responsibility, and perhaps most importantly, self-pride. When a child, yes, even a toddler, completes a task, they feel a sense of accomplishment that boosts their confidence and sense of family.

The added bonus? They learn that they are a contributing member of your family team. It gives them an understanding that their actions, however small, have an impact.  

Here are some age-appropriate tasks:

• Wipe tables
• Help feed pets
• Help with cooking as appropriate
• Sock matching
• Water plants
• Put clean clothes in the hamper 

Let Them Do It

It's also important to give your child the space to learn without immediately jumping in to correct them.

Let them read the book backward or struggle to get the piece in the puzzle. Let them make choices and see the results. Hold back and give them the room to learn, to make mistakes, to get frustrated, and motivated. Of course, your child will let you know when they need your help. This can come in the form of suggesting your toddler take a break or demonstrating how something is done.  

A little frustration works as motivation and keeps your toddler trying to achieve their goals. So, hang back and let your kids do it themselves when possible. We are basically helping kids become competent and confident. 

Model, “We All Make Mistakes”

Encourage children to understand that mistakes are a part of everyone's life. The key is to learn from them rather than fixate on them.  

Celebrate Effort (Not Results)

It might seem counterintuitive, but while praise can boost a child's self-esteem, it can also discourage them from taking on challenges or persevering during difficult times. When encouraging your young child, emphasize the hard work they put in rather than just celebrating the outcome. Instead of simply telling them, "You're so smart" opt for phrases like, "I see how hard you worked on that drawing!" or "I love the colors you chose!" This approach highlights the importance of effort, teaching your child that they can improve and succeed even when faced with challenges. 

A subtle shift in your praise language can impact your child’s self-perception and confidence in their abilities. It's a small change with big results.

Give Daily Emotional Vitamins

 Remind your children that your love for them is unconditional—whether they win or lose, excel or struggle, behave or act out. It sounds like a given, but in the whirlwind of daily life, it's something that can easily be overlooked.

Slip in whispers of "I love you" sprinkled throughout the day. And as I discuss in my course, devote at least 5 minutes each day for uninterrupted, child-led time with your little one. 

This quality time has a positive impact on your relationship and behavior in general. 

A key takeaway today is the importance of pausing briefly to view a situation through a lens of understanding as it enables you to offer the most generous interpretation of a situation. From there, you can respond with authentic empathy.

As well, as realizing that while praise seems like the obvious way to boost self-esteem and self-confidence, it’s best to give it wisely. Focus on the process, on the effort and perseverance, not the outcomes.

Resource: Toddlers Made Easy online course